Boy I really fell off the bandwagon didn’t I? I am not going
to lie, the two weeks leading up to my vacation were stressful and hard and I
fell apart as I tend to do. Nothing
crazy ridiculous. I kept up with all of my marathon training runs but ultimately
my diet went to shit. Not shocked. But I managed anyway. I knew there was going to be a fundamental
shift in my life post marathon. I was
not wrong. Today is my first day back at
work post Maui. This is typically a hard
day in general. Returning to work after an extended period of time away. But thankfully my work is actually fabulous
and I adore the people I work for and everything went well. So let’s talk about the one thing that I
really need to talk about. Running 26.2
miles.
The Marathon
In a lot of ways I fully expected the actual marathon to be
much different than it really was. In a lot of ways I was anticipating a
horrific, terrible endeavor that would leave me depleted, drained and
euphorically high. Some of that was
true, some of it turned out to be all hype.
When you spend the better part of 10 years of our life secretly wishing
for something but terrified of actually doing it, it’s impossible for the
actual accomplishment of it not to be in some ways a letdown. But in other ways it was also the most
satisfying thing I’ve ever done. Clearly
I have a lot of mixed emotions about the whole thing. So let me back the train up and start from
the beginning. Because the beginning is always a good place to start!
Arriving in Maui I couldn’t help but feel happy and high.
And nervous. I tried my best to maintain
the nerves in my stomach because I knew deep down I was fully prepared and
ready to run this marathon. I kept thinking that I was in fact really ready and
I didn’t think it would actually be that hard given how much training I had
actually done. But then that little bit
of fear crept in. That fear that says, what if I am missing something? I read articles which in hindsight probably
didn’t help much, because they talked about the what-if’s and those worse case scenarios
where runners would finish marathons and collapse and be in aching pain and I
even read one where the person was peeing blood. I wasn’t quite sure how this could happen to
me, any of it, as I ran so frequently and long enough distances. But still, there was fear.
I knew Maui was going to be hot. Pre-race information told us that Maui was in
fact experincing record high temperatures’ and humidity off the charts. I tried to ignore this. It would be what it would be after all. I have run in heat before and yes, it did
slow me down, but I still managed. I
actually wasn’t nervous about it for some reason.
At the airport I was greeted to a sign that said welcome
Runners and I almost burst into tears.
All the months of planning. 9
months of knowing I would be going to Maui to run on top of 10 years of
thinking I wasn’t capable of running a marathon all converged into this
trip. And seeing that sign made it oh so
very real. We got our rental car which
always takes crazy forever for some reason.
And then we were off to the expo for packet pick up.
I was excited because typically I love packet pick up. But once we were in place and I saw the
medals and the shirts I was actually kind of disappointed. Not what I was expecting really, but that’s
okay. It wasn’t all about the shirts and
medals. It was honestly about running
26.2 miles and I was still feeling happy and confident.
Saturday morning we woke up early to run a 10k, then a 5k
and then the 1 miler as part of our warrior challenge. I initially thought that
this was a great idea because the 10k run would acclimate me to the weather and
conditions. In hindsight it wasn’t the brightest
idea perhaps. What actually ended up
happening was this… I ate crappy the night before, first night on vacation and
while I didn’t drink any alcohol I severely underestimated what a day of travel
and bad eating and dehydration would do to my system. On Friday night I actually threw up a couple
times simply from bad food and yucky feeling. Not nerves. Just system
overload. The minute the 10k started I
knew I didn’t feel great. My stomach felt awful and I went out way to fast of
course. And inevitably after a couple
miles I knew I was in trouble. The 10k
started at 6:30 AM, where the marathon would start at 5 AM. I thought this
would be a great indicator of weather conditions as I would clearly be running at
this time the next day. All it proved to
do was freak me out. By the end of the
10k run it was miserable hot and I knew that I was in trouble. My side starting aching from dehydration and
I slowed down and felt like I wanted to vomit. Oops. But the 10k time was great. I finished it in 57:13, with a pace of 9:12
miles. This is faster than I wanted to
run.
After the 10k, I felt horrible. Like it was way too hard to run just 6.2
miles in this heat and it honestly psyched me out in a crazy way. Right after the 10k, was a 5k which I had
always intended to walk with my family.
I didn’t need to prove anything to anyone at this point and I thought it
would be more enjoyable to share the experience with my mom and cousins and
aunts who were doing it. So that is what
I did.
I honestly couldn’t get the 10k out of my brain and
immediately vowed with my stomach issues that Saturday I was going to be 100%
clean. Lots of water and lots of good
foods. We bought spaghetti from Safeway
and made our normal dinner in the condo. My body was pretty much demanding
consistency. But the weather really had
me freaked out. Running 6.2 miles was
hard. I wasn’t prepared for that. Sigh. I managed to remain fairly calm most of
the day, putting all the rest of the crazy out of my brain enough to enjoy the
day. But what can’t be avoided or
escaped is the reality of the night before. As I set everything out for race
day, it all started to hit me. I was
doing my best to not allow a major freak out.
We had to wake up at 2:30 AM, to be out the door by 3 AM to catch the
shuttle bus from the finish line to the start line by 3:30 AM. I am very fortunate that my cousin’s husband
Tim was there with us and he volunteered to drive us to the shuttle bus in the
morning, at 3 AM. What a great guy! Honestly, my cousin Chelsea and Tim were so
important and amazing support but I will tell you about that later.
So despite some nerves I still managed to sleep solid,
thankfully. When I woke at 2:30 AM on
Sunday morning I was a psychotic bundle of nerves. On a plus side my stomach felt the best it’d
felt since arriving in Maui. My careful
eating and drinking the day before paid off.
My stomach was solid but unfortunately full of crazy nerves at this
point. I started to almost panic as I
gathered everything and headed down to the car.
I knew my nerves were on high alert in the car ride in the pitch black
to the shuttle bus. My stomach was
gurgling and I had to use the bathroom so bad.
This is how my body deals with stress.
I was beyond nervous and both Chris and Tim in the car knew it.
But it was all out of my hands at this point. It’s like the reality of what I was doing was
just hitting. It was what it was but it
didn’t stop me from being terrified.
Getting on the bus and seeing all these slender runner types I couldn’t shake
my knee jerk reaction which was that, “OH God, everyone will see right thru me
and know I don’t really belong here, on this marathon bus.” Funny how insecurity places havoc on your
brain.
I almost hyperventilated. True story. In the dark on the bus
I tried to self-calm. It was nearly
impossible. I browsed Pinterest for quotes to remind me that marathon running was
about a greater picture than just this panicked moment. That I was working towards some epic goal
that I had set for myself and I could do it.
But I think that bus ride, which felt extremely long was quite possibly
the longest and most challenging 30 minutes of my life. Clearly the distance we traveled was 26.2
miles and it took forever and highlighted the epic distance that I was supposed
to run. I kept trying to breath. I
closed my eyes a bunch because I didn’t want to watch the course go by in slow
motion. I needed to quite the voices in
my head.
As soon as we arrived at the start line and got off the bus, I felt a little
calmer. I have done this a million
times. 44 half marathons and countless 5
and 10k’s before me, starting lines were something I was familiar with. There was a feeling of normalcy in them.
Although I knew this one was different.
I had to use the bathroom where my nerves kept getting the better of
me. And then I had to use it again. And
again. Yup, nerve city here.
And then it started to rain. And it was glorious. It was
warm, and it was crazy humid already but the warm rain in the dark felt
great. And then we lined up and we
started “walking” in a heard to the actual start line. And I knew that this was it, for better or
worse, this was my marathon. This was a lifetime and 9 months of knowing it
would happen, and the last 4 months of training all coming down to this.
And the buzzer sounded and we were off. I have never ran in
the dark like that before. But I wasn’t
alone clearly and I felt safe but it was a different experience. It was dark so I could not see my watch and
therefore the first miles were all run on “comfort” not to any particular pace.
I kept telling myself just run comfortable. Who cares about the time. It was already hot. 5 AM and I knew it was
going to be a long day. It was hot and humid and it was raining and I knew this
first part would be the most enjoyable part of the whole thing. But getting out of your own way sometimes is
the hardest part. I kept trying to tell
myself to breath and not care about pace. But I couldn’t help it when I could
check my watch I realized my comfortable pace was much slower than I wanted to
be running. I knew it was the heat
already.
The entire first 3-4 miles were run in the dark, with a
slight uphill climb to them. Very subtle but enough that my body knew I was
slightly inclining. I felt okay. My pace hovering around the 10:20 mark. The rain came down and it was
refreshing. My music played. Nothing
hurt. I have always said that during a
run I pretty much know within the first 2 miles how the race is going to go. I know early if I feel okay vs a bad day. I
may always complete my runs on a bad day but they will be a struggle. After about a mile and a half I knew I was
okay. I knew my body felt okay. My
stomach issues from the day before were all better. My body felt good and capable. Thank God I thought.
I ran on in the dark for miles, and they ticked by. Mile 4, Mile 5 and then somewhere around Mile
6 the sun started to rise and I finally could see my surroundings, my legs felt
amazing and I looked over to my right and saw the beautiful mountains of Maui,
the tropical “Jurassic Park” feeling and almost immediately tears formed in my
eyes. This is it. This was the reminder
finally, visually that I wasn’t in Oregon.
I was in fact in Maui running my marathon.
Mile 6-7 I sped up. I
started to feel REALLY good. Mile 8, I
felt so great I was almost giddy. It’s
the runners high. Mile 9 was feeling
epic, almost ready to break out my phone to text my family to let them know how
great I was in fact doing, despite the heat, when all of a sudden up ahead I saw
my cousin Chelsea and her husband Tim who had decided to be our on course race
support. What lovely people! There they
were with camera in hand, snapping photos, and there with Gatorade and food to
replenish me. I smiled, and gave my
cousin a thumbs up because I felt great.
I drank a little and felt so amazing knowing I was doing this.
Mile 10 felt awesome. And I was like, hey only 16.2 miles to
go. Yes, that’s a crazy thought to have
I know. Mile 11 felt great. Saw my
cousins again. Still feeling great. Hit
mile 12, and then the fabulous mile 13.
Shortly after that, when my Garmin registered 13.1 I smiled because no
matter what I was now closer to the
finish than the start. Every step took me closer to the finish. I was still
around a 10:20 pace at this point. I knew I would slow down. I knew I would get more tired and the heat
would take its toll. Let’s not forget that every single step was run in heat
and humidity like I have never experienced.
I ran with a water bottle in my hand for the first time and I am certain
I would not have survived without it. I
drank constantly. Every water station I would fill the bottle up. It was vital!
At this point they were handing out wet sponges at each station as
well. I would literally just drip the
water on me and wipe myself with the sponge. It was HOT!
But halfway was still feeling okay. Mile 14, Mile 15. Mile 16.
Heck, yeah 10 miles to go. I can do this! Mile 17 I saw my cousins again and this time
I was starting to feel it. Tim asked, do
you need anything? I simply replied, “For
this to be done!” It was hot. It was
starting to get so hot I could barely handle it. My body felt fine. My legs felt great.
Nothing ached. Nothing hurt. I was just
HOT. The air felt so thick almost like I
was navigating thru a cloud. I slowed
down. I passed mile 18. My pace was
going higher. I kept trying to do math in my head to figure out times. I knew an 11:03 pace was a 4:53
marathon. Because that is what my plan
had prepped me for all along. I had no idea
beyond that. Somewhere at like mile 18 I
felt really drained. I ran on. Barely.
Mile 19 and I believe I walked a moment and then tried to
run again. Have you ever tried to run
after going for like 4 hours in 90 degree weather with humidity so thick you
swear you could almost “see” it? I had
to force myself. The scenery was
beautiful. The ocean on my left. It’s too bad I was in such misery that I
barely noticed it. Somehow this was not
the experience I was expecting. It wasn’t
the run. It wasn’t the distance. It was the heat. Mile 20 came and I was running into town. My
town. Lahaina. We literally ran right in
front of my hotel. My favorite place in the world. And I got teary. I can do
this I told myself. I can do this. But
it was SO HOT. My body no longer wanted
to move.
I walked a bit. We
came upon front street Maui. And unexpectedly
I heard my name and looked over to my right and there was my mom, my two aunts
and my sister with a giant sign and I couldn’t barely contain my tears. I had
no idea they’d be there or with such a fabulous sign. My mom came over to me and hugged me. I said, this is BRUTAL. I just want to
finish, I don’t care about my time. It’s so hot. And at this point I meant it. I am not sure the human body is really meant
to endure countless hours in that level of heat. But I pushed on. At about mile 21 I had to go to a run/walk
method. Run from this point to that
point, and then walk from this point to that.
It was all I could do. My legs
felt like they could run. They could have.
The sweltering heat told a different story.
I wanted to enjoy the moments more, but the misery wasn’t
allowing for it. Plus my own personal dissatisfaction
as I watched my pace and time tick by. I
didn’t really care about my time but in my mind I knew I could run better than
this. And I just wanted the opportunity to run it. With each mile at this point
I knew I was getting closer. Mile 22,
Mile 23 and I was like, it’s just a 5k now. I CAN so do this.
Run/walk. Run/walk. Run/walk. And then I was on the final stretch. I had no
idea what my time was. I knew my pace
had crept above the 11:03 mark which was a 4:53 marathon. I was in the 11:20 or something range. I had
no idea if that would be good enough ultimately to get me below the 5 hour
mark. My brain was dead at this
point. I could not do the math. As I rounded
a corner I knew I was within ½ a mile of finishing and all I could do was run
it out to the best of my ability at this point and pray I was under 5 hours. My
body did not want to run. It was too hot.
I truly felt like I would have been way happier or more
emotional to finally see the home stretch.
I saw my family cheering me on. I
saw the official clock and it was at 4:59 something as in hours. I tried to sprint as fast as I could. I knew I was within seconds of the 5 hour
mark. Now it was just a race to beat the clock under 5. I gave it everything I
had and I heard the announcer say my name and say just squeaking in under the
coveted 5 hour mark. Chris was instantly
there at the finish with me and I hugged him and I swear almost collapsed into
his arms. Thankful I had at least broke
the 5 hour mark, especially considering how challenging this was.
I immediately almost wanted to pass out or vomit. Or
both. We took some pictures but it
became evident to me that my body was out of whack. I always tend to get nauseous
after I run so it wasn’t shocking that running 26.2 in this kind of heat was
going to make me feel bad. I sat down. I thought I would puke or pass out. They
had a medic tent that was administering IV fluids. My family tried to get me to
go to it. I said I was fine. I just needed a bathroom I was going to puke. We went to the bathroom. I threw up a little
and felt a little better. I knew ultimately it was going to be rough. But that is my weakness with running. I
honestly throw up a lot.
We got in the car to go back to the hotel. We stopped along
the side of the road to watch some turtles swimming. I threw up again. The heat was unreal. As we watched the
turtles, now almost an hour post finishing, we were along the marathon course
route and I saw runners walking/jogging by. I felt sorry for them for still
having to be out in the heat. I couldn’t
imagine. 5 hours was horrible
enough. When we got back to the room I
spent about 45 minutes hugging the toilet.
I felt pretty sick. I pretty much threw up for quite a while before I
must have finally berid myself of all of whatever was upsetting me because
suddenly I got crazy hungry. It was
like, finally, my stomach feels fine, FEED me.
The entire thing honestly went by in such a blur that I
swear I didn’t feel the way I thought I’d feel. In so many ways it was so much
easier than I thought it would be. In
other ways it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Running in that heat for that long was the
hardest thing ever. Running 26.2 miles was easier than I thought. Far and
away. I know my body can totally handle
running 26.2 miles. I am beyond certain of that. So much so that I am desperate to actually
run a marathon in Oregon now where I won’t be dying of heat stroke or running
in off the charts humidity.
I felt amazing proud that I did it. Humbled by the heat. And I must admit slightly disappointed
because I was certain I could physically run 26.2 miles. I still think I can. Initially I was happy to have finished off
course and proud but I just didn’t feel super great about my 5 hour time. But it’s all about perspective. This was not an easy course. This was in fact
probably incredibly difficult in terms of marathons. Because in the end, when I compare myself to
the entire race results I realize I did pretty dang awesome.
203 out of 537 finishers
71 out of 256 females
11 out of 39 Females ages 35-39
This is actually fabulous because it shows you that this was
a tough course for EVERYONE. That I
truly have nothing to be upset or disappointed about at all. My age group, females 35-39 is always the
most competitive. I am in the peak of
marathon running years, so to finish 11 of 39 is crazy! And 71 out of 256 females is REALY good. I
will take it. That was not easy. That was not easy at all. But I really do want to run one start to
finish without walking. Next one right?
And you know that there will be a next one because the
actual distance didn’t kill me. I know this because not only did my body feel
fine afterwards. But I felt fine the next day. I felt great. I ran a marathon
on Sunday and by Wednesday we were out on an epic hiking/climbing adventure in
the jungle and then on Thursday we woke up and ran 4.25 miles. My body can physically handle 26.2
miles. It’s the heat. I am not sure I
ever want to do that again, but honestly we all know I would. Of course I’d come back to any of the
Hawaiian islands and do it all over again.
Heat and humidity and all. Of
course.
Here’s the truth. I am SO glad to have that running monkey
off my back. Yes, I have ran a full marathon. Yes, I know what it feels like.
Yes, I can do it. FINALLY. There is a part of me that is still in shock
about it all. A part of me that doesn’t
believe I am actually a marathoner. And
also a part of me that doesn’t believe how easy it was either. Now let me say that when I say it was easy, I
mean, I was just expecting EPIC struggles. I was expecting feeling awful and
horrific tears of pain and feeling like I was going to die. Those feelings never came. It was not easy. I don’t mean to imply in the
least that running a marathon is easy. It’s not. It requires every ounce of mental toughness
you have. It requires true training and determination. It requires everything I
had. But the thing is, I became the person
who could run a marathon. I was ready.
It seemed “easy” because I had put in all the work to get to that place where I
could run the marathon.
I didn’t start out the person who could do this. In February when I signed up to run the
marathon. Or rather when I decided I was going to do it, running any distance
felt hard. In January I ran a 5k and it
was HARD. I struggled running 3 miles.
Yes, my body knew how to run and quickly remembered but it was a
humbling moment in January when I did a 5k and felt like I was going to
die. I put in all the work to get to the
place to become a person who can run a marathon.
Over the course of all of this time, training, I somehow
became a different person. I knew it was happening. I knew the process was slowly
day by day little by little changing me until one day I realized I was somehow
completely different. In a way I just can’t even describe. I am not even close to the same woman I was
when I started my training plan on May 6.
Somewhere between May 6 and September 20 I walked away a confident,
self-loving, self-accepting individual.
Yes, I have still put too much pressure on myself, things aren’t always
perfect, etc. But I am so forever changed as a result. It’s like suddenly I realize the sky is the
limit for me and I am happy with the woman I am. If I can run a marathon what else can I
do? Why would I ever want to limit
myself again? Why shouldn’t I love
myself and my body, it is so freaking amazing!
It was able to withstand 5 hours of brutality and feel fine
afterwards. I am a beast. I am strong. I am proud. I did this. I earned
this with every single workout I didn’t want to do but did anyway. With every
mile I endured to get to this point. I
earned that medal. I earned this feeling.
Run a marathon they said. It will change our life they
said. I wasn’t sure. But now I am.
AMAZING. This woman is a full on
marathoner. And this of course is just the beginning. Since when have I ever not gone for the next
brass ring. I don’t quit. I don’t
stop. This is who I am. I am a runner. Scratch that. I am a
marathoner.
