The year of Strength

Can it possibly already be the end of 2013? This last month and particularly couple weeks have flown by in so much time I have barely had a moment to stop and think yet alone contemplate a blog post. Generally speaking I am not a fan of major New Year’s resolutions. I honestly believe that every single day, any particular day is as good as any to resolve to change something you are unhappy with in your life. There should not be any added pressure simply because in a matter of a few minutes that ultimately have no major barring on your life you should be forced to do something you clearly were never previously ready for. Basically what I’m saying is that the calendar and or clock ticking away should not be the major reason you decide to enact change into your life. True change can only really occur when you are mentally ready to do it. Change of any sort is HARD work and should not be attempted unless you are ready to put in the tireless effort and have the true desire. There is my preaching rant on the topic. With that said, I00% scratch that, 1000% believe change is possible when you really want it.

This morning Facebook greeted me with this post in reference to New Year’s and I read it and shook my head in utter delight and amazement.



One freaking year gone. 2013 is on its last dying moments and all I can do is smile. Smile because 2013 happened. Smile because it even existed to begin with and more importantly because in my entire life history I don’t think there has been a single year as influential and life altering as 2013 has been. Firstly, I survived an entire calendar year caring about fitness and health. That is kind of a big deal for me. Not only did I survive an entire year but at the end of the year, right now, I feel as energized and pumped as ever about where else I am going to go with this. I do feel a renewed fresh start kind of feeling, probably prompted by a new year. I am not making any large declarations or resolutions but I can appreciate the sense of newness that a calendar change can bring. I can embrace the whole clean slate mentality without committing to unrealistic expectations that ultimately lead to disappointment.

Going back to the quote, I have to say that we far too often don’t take a moment to stop and appreciate the time that has passed and to see how different we are in a year. Admitingly some years we probably find ourselves in almost the same place as the previous year. Not every single year is momentous but some of them are. 2013 just happened to be one of those years for me. I am not even close to the same person as I was on Dec 31, 2012. That girl had no idea what the next year would eventually bring. She had no idea what amazing people it was going to bring into her life. The people who have come and gone, some forgotten, some missed but more importantly the new relationships that have developed and blossomed. And of course the memories. Those all too important memories. Some wonderful amazing moments and then a few of the worst times of my life. Yes, 2013 has been tremendous on so many levels.

Self-discovery and exploration have opened my eyes to so much. You know those quotes that say you sometimes have to hit rock bottom to really change or to see the truth of situations. 2013 was a year of clarity on many levels for me. I hit rock bottom in my marriage. ROCK bottom. I had previously thought I had hit rock bottom but I honestly hadn’t. 2013 brought the bottom. It was only thru the rock bottom that any clarity or light appeared. Therapy has been tremendous. Weekly therapy has helped in a way that I had never realized was possible. Also actual medication that was clearly much needed has changed my world ten-fold. Mental illness is a real thing and when left untreated can lead to rock bottom types of situations. It is only when someone gets chemical balance sometimes that one can see how unhappy things were. Despite how awful of a period of time that was. TRULY awful, there is a part of me that feels happy not necessarily that it happened but happy that I survived it. Happy that it finally brought upon the change that has been needed for years. Happy that I am moving forward in my life with positivity and hope.

Why yes, Facebook Quote, It is in fact crazy how all of that happened in just one year. I close my eyes, blink and a year has passed and I’ve somehow managed this year to come out the other end so much more fulfilled than I have ever found myself. Excited about my life. Excited about what I can accomplish and do. Full of ideas. With a sense of happiness that has always eluded me. With real life friends. What the hell? So rare for me. Things still scare the shit out of me at times but I pretty much try to push that aside and do it anyway. That is the lesson that 2013 has taught me. Just because something is scary doesn’t mean it isn’t worth doing. Sometimes those are the single most rewarding things in life. Sometimes it’s a little fear that makes life worth living.

2013 has brought so many wonderful things into my life. I mean, I probably earned them, but it was the first time in my entire life that I can honestly say I loved myself. It was the first time that I worked past some of the fear and let it go enough to get out of my own way. 2013 has profoundly changed me and I feel so blessed at this exact moment to have endured.

With all that said I am very excited about 2014. I actually really am excited to see what this year will bring. I am excited to writing a post on December 31, 2014 and to see what this entire year will bring. To see how much more I can change and grow and evolve. I don’t have everything figured out because no one ever does, but I do know that 2014 is going to be good. I feel that. I have no desire to stop growing and evolving into the woman that I am or shall be.

I have this mental picture of who I can be in one year’s time and I’m going to work my hardest to get to her in a year. And just an FYI, this mental picture I am painting in my head is just as much about the inside attributes as the physical image. The funny thing is I am quite certain now that I have found such self-love and self-respect that I had never lived my entire life prior loving myself. That is so sad. To spend so many years of your life never fully getting what self-love and respect are. To never actually believe you were capable of anything. To not believe that your dreams could be a reality. I believe in myself now. And I am so in love with my inner strength and how much I believe that I can really impact my life and those around me. It is such a good blessed feeling. I know, pretty preachy for blog post, but whatever.

2014 is going to be every bit as good as 2013. I won’t say better because honestly I can’t imagine that anything will ever be as completely transformational as 2013, but that doesn’t mean that 2014 can’t be amazing in its own right. I’m going to tackle new stuff. I am going to continue to push myself and grow stronger. 2014 is going to be all about strength. I shall label it the year of strength. Yes, I love that. 2013 was about weight loss and ultimately self-acceptance. Now that I have achieved those, 2014 is definitely the year of growing my strength in all forms. Physical, mental, emotional. The year of strength. I love that. I am going to push myself into new territories. And I am going to keep growing these muscles. I am so ridiculously excited about that you have no idea. Said the girl who was always a steadfast runner. Boy how I have seen the light… strength training is EPIC. There is something crazy powerful about picking up 135 pounds and deadlifting it. Who knew? Or as Amanda made me do the other day, Bench pressing 115 pounds. Yes, building these physical muscles while expanding my brain.

2014 is definitely my year of strength. This is uncharted territory, pushing beyond anything I have ever known in my life and there is something so exciting in going into unknown land. Seeing what I’m really capable of. I always knew where I’d get just running and trying to lose weight. I always knew the outcome. I can honestly say sitting here writing this I have no idea how far I can go or what the outcome is and that is so damned cool to me. I know what I want to be some day but I don’t know what my body is going to do. I love this unchartered territory. Quite honestly I love that I am getting to rewrite my story piece by piece, day by day. I love that life can still surprise the fuck out of me. I had no idea that I would be exactly here today. One year ago, as 2013 began I felt that it was going to be a good year and I believed I would get back to my goal weight of 140 pounds. I just had no idea that all the goals would suddenly change and I was NEVER dreaming big enough. Simply being 140 pounds was never the goal. This girl is capable of so much more than that.

So as 2013 comes to a close and I put the final nail on the coffin I can honestly say that I have never been happier or prouder of myself. 2013 will go down as epic in every possible way. Now bring on 2014, I’m ready for you and I’m going to make you my bitch… seriously…. Let the year of strength commence! (and just to start it off right Amanda is coming over to my house tomorrow since our gym is closed on New Year’s and we are going to do a kick ass workout in my house with all my equipment!... yup, true addict here :) Oh and I have a friend :)