Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Operation Survive

Operation survive December is in full force. I am not sure what it is exactly about this time of year but boy is this the most challenging time of the year for me, period. I mean to maintain a healthy lifestyle, incorporate my love of exercise and basically not go crazy from busy. I adore Christmas and therefore am very excited for this upcoming weekend which somehow resonates with me as the official kick off to my Christmas. I honestly think I enjoy the couple days prior to Christmas more than Christmas itself. I love the family togetherness, the sitting around the Christmas tree, the anticipation. The happiness. That begins Saturday. (After I spend my designated 2 hours at the gym of course).

This last weekend was all about survival of the fittest. I am content just surviving. I had a great Saturday workout, a great lunch date with my friend Amanda and then somehow I found myself going out to dinner Saturday night indulging in margaritas which ended up leading to something is a very rare occurrence for me, complete and utter drunken feast. The last time I was fully drunk was at my youngest sister’s wedding, well over two years ago so it’s not as if I overly indulge often. But once I start drinking, it becomes so hard to really know that you are beyond drunk and should no longer consume any more. This is most likely why I do not like that feeling and rarely partake in such behavior. I ended up horribly sick and therefore spent my entire Saturday night hunched over the bathroom toilet throwing up. Yes, ENTIRE Saturday night throwing up any and EVERY thing in my system. It was awful. Awful. Completely my own doing so I have no one to blame but myself but it still felt like shit. This of course ended up ruining my Sunday as well. I was so tired and hung over that all I did the entire Sunday was literally sit on the couch, lye on the couch, have a single cracker and pray that I can keep it down. Lie down. Try and sleep. Get up, hug the toilet, and sit back down on the couch. NOT good times.

Mostly I was mad because I caused this and therefore I was in no shape to do any of the things that I really needed to do. There was clearly no exercise for me on Sunday. There was no house cleaning which was desperately needed. There was nothing but survival. Stupid stupid fucking alcohol. As a result I have zero desire to drink even a drop of anything alcoholic for a long time. This ususally happens. I can’t even stand the smell of it right now. Pretty much to be expected when you spend the better part of 10 hours throwing it up.

Moving on. Yesterday I did feel better after a good night’s sleep and therefore I did manage to go to the gym last night. I was in full on survive December mode. My body said that I did not want to go exercise but my mind said hell no; you are not getting away with that, so away I went. And I did feel good. Good decision. I had therapy last night so I had to leave early, only getting in an hour workout. Better than nothing. Tonight is full on exercise night for me. There is only 1 half hour class to take and then I am on my own. Tuesday night is pretty much the only night that I am on my own. I plan to lift lots of weights. I am feeling strength training deprived and in need of a good overall strength session to restore my balance. It will happen tonight.

I find myself more and more looking forward to post Christmas/post-holiday January health month. Everyone seems super focused on health and nutrition in the month of January and for me that’s perfectly okay. It’s right up my alley mostly. Don’t get me wrong, by no means do I actually think I am some horrible slacker this month. It’s just not my finest output, but let’s be honest here, I have gone to the gym 12 of the last 16 days, I will go today, tomorrow and Thursday night, meaning in 19 days I will still have gone 15 times. Not exactly slacking. I need to keep reminding myself of that fact. If this is truly my “off” month than I am totally more than okay. Then I really do have this the way that I think I do.

My food choices have been definitely less than stellar but I truly have come to terms with the idea of survival this month. I don’t think I am gaining weight or looking different so whatever food choices I’m making aren’t killing me. I do look forward to a time, post-holiday, where perhaps the bad choices won’t be as abundant or prevalent.

That is part of my new year’s resolution, well, I don’t really make resolutions, but that is part of my goal or plan for 2014, actually spend some energy focusing on nutrition. Quality healthy stuff. For now I’m just taking survival to the end of 2013.

With all that said, I had some pretty awesome comments happen this weekend. While at the gym on Saturday morning, a woman that I have seen at the gym probably since I joined but I rarely see commented to me. I am always friendly and I smiled at her in class. I probably maybe see her once a month or so and she walked over towards me and said, “Every time I see you, you look more and more buff.” Excellent complement. Kind of made my day.

Then later, another woman who actually is one of those bikini models at the gym. She is nice and I’ve talked to her before, was like, last Monday night in class, I noticed and just wanted to tell you, you look awesome. I can totally see your guns and you have been working so hard. It was very nice. So both of those compliments happened this weekend. Good stuff. So despite it all, despite my just wanting to survive, I am not exactly slacking. Sure, I truly do think I could be doing more with my nutrition. I think I would probably be making more progress if I cared a little more about the quality of food I’m putting into my body but I’m going to get on that, in 2014…. Mmwwwhhhaaaaa…..

I’m actually totally excited for 2014. 2013 has been so amazing and brought me so far and taught me so much. I feel like 2014 is going to be all about fine tuning and dialing into my goals and dreams and starting to dream beyond what I previously thought possible. It’s going to be about making new dreams for myself. 2014 is about enjoying the fruits of my efforts. Its about loving myself and my body and enjoying using this body for happy healthy endeavors.

In therapy last night a questions was brought up and discussed about having a basic mission in life. What would you think your basic mission in life is? It was an interesting question. Not that most of us sit here and think of what exactly our mission is… that sounds so purposeful and I doubt most of us generally live that purposefully. But it did get me thinking. What would be my mission in life? She said some people want to enjoy life and get the most out of it. Some people have epic work goals. Some people’s mission is collect things, etc….

Of course I had to really think about it and at its core I know that my mission is to live my best happiest most authentic life while trying to inspire and help others. It’s crazy, but I do think my “mission” or the thing I wake up for is to better myself and the idea that I could/would/maybe someday can help others to find their paths to. Of course my mission includes living a healthy lifestyle as well. I think that I am only at my best when I am treating myself with love and respect in all forms and a big form of that for me is health and wellness. It’s eating well to fuel my body to push it to better myself. I live for self-improvement.

Obviously I have been thinking about my “mission”. I think it’s a cool concept worth exploring. Perhaps that’s something else I should think about in 2014. Maybe I need a mission for 2014. Perhaps a larger mission is just a bunch of smaller goals which is okay as well. I have always been a big picture kind of thinker and a dreamer. A dreamer who likes to have goals and plans in place to work towards. I function so much better when I have some sort of goal or prize waiting for me at the end of the tunnel. I am goal driven.

Well, at least its Tuesday, which means that time is flying and of course it should be my beloved weekend soon enough. Plus Friday night is my office work party which should be pretty fun. We are going bowling, having a pizza party and doing awesome raffle prizes. It should be an excellent evening overall. Fun times. I adore this time of year!

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