I have been taking it easy and I do feel better. Unfortunately when you take it easy, it’s hard to find the motivation to return to working out. It’s ridiculous how quickly you get out of the habit. I also think it’s partly the change in the weather. It’s cold and yucky outside and its depressing as hell and I just want to go home and eat and rest.
I have decided that my body is truly just tired. I am trying to forgive it for kind of falling apart because it took a real beating. I asked it to do like crazy insane things and now I understand its tired. I honestly think it’s going to take a couple weeks for me to return to any amount of normal. I have been “going” for so long that it just wants to stop. And hibernate and eat. I can’t stop eating for the life of me. Everything and anything. And my willpower is non-existent. My desire or motivation is totally lacking. See, we all go thru ups and downs. I know this is normal. I know that my generalized exhaustion is not helping. I don’t feel that well as a whole and therefore it’s hard to exhibit signs of control in other parts of my life. Makes total sense honestly.
I think I should just function in survival mode for the next couple weeks. Just survive. Especially since Vegas is coming up VERY soon. Like in 2 weeks almost. Shit. How the hell did that happen? I honestly don’t even want to go. I’m that tired and exhausted. I pushed myself too hard honestly. But I can’t back out now because Amanda and her boyfriend Rick are going. And it will be fun. I just wish I felt a little better as a whole.
On another note, my mom and two sisters joined weight watchers on Monday night. This should help make my life a little easier as a whole. I am hoping at some point here soon everything just clicks and it will help provide me with an extra little bit of motivation myself. I refuse to get on a scale because I know things are spiraling out of control. But honestly, I need to knock it off. I truly need to get my act in gear soon before things get VERY scary. I just honestly feel so drained all the time it’s hard to care about much. Tis the season I suppose.
I feel like I need about a week off to just sleep my life away. But I suspect most people feel that way. I will survive I am sure. Plus let’s not forget that typically I always experience an afternoon slump so that’s part of it I am sure. I just need more sleep as a whole. And probably an attitude adjustment to boot.
I wish I had happier things to say today or anything really more positive than all of this, but generally speaking this is where I am at right now, and I can’t hide forever. I also want to be accountable to myself. This is the downward spiral part where things fall apart or I figure my shit out. I’m going to be okay. It’s all going to be okay. Somehow what is meant to be will find its way.